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Do you ever feel sometimes that there are some couples who have it “easy” in their relationships, while others are forever struggling? (I know most couples fall somewhere in-between, but I’m going to focus on the two extremes for this post.) I always thought that the ones who had it easy were the ones were “made” for each other, precisely because they had it so easy! (Circular reasoning I know!) This then led me to conclude that the couples who were struggling in their relationship, were not meant to be together. If they were, they wouldn’t be struggling so much, now would they?
But love and marriage aren’t always logical pursuits. Sometimes the heart says or feels one thing, but the mind says another. Do we listen to our mind or do we listen to our heart? The obvious answer is our heart. But what if we follow our heart, and things don’t work as we thought? Or we follow our heart and things end up being more difficult than we imagined? An observer at this point might say that following our heart was clearly a mistake–look, they are fighting so much!
But don’t be so quick to judge.
One of my favourite movies is The Notebook, and in it there is this scene between the two main characters / lovers (Noah and Allie), that although dramatic, represents what love can be like for some couples. Click here to watch it. (P.S. To truly appreciate this scene, you need to watch the entire movie so you can understand where these characters are coming from.)
Now some of you may see this scene and think to yourself, no way!! Relationships like that only work in the movies, not in real life. A relationship like this would surely never last. But I am not so sure. If two people really love each other and want what’s best for each other (a crucial quality that some unhealthy relationships do not possess), they will still screw up from time to time. It’s inevitable. The couple may butt heads, bicker, get on each other’s nerves and drive each other crazy…more often than not! Yet, they still want to be with each other and in some weird way, are meant to be together. It won’t be easy; in fact it’s not gonna be easy at all! But then again…where did we get the idea that love is easy or should be easy??
Things You Realize After You Get Married 
I both love and hate how this is so true. Wonderfully written. ^^
P.s. I love that scene in The Notebook too. It’s one of my favorite movies next to When Harry Met sally.
Thanks for commenting! I know, it’s a paradox! 🙂
I actually have not seen When Harry Met Sally—-I definitely need to see that one!!
Oh you will love it. ^^ Let me know what you think of it.
Hi, TYRAYGM…
I like your title “it’s not gonna be easy…” (and love your posts, of course 🙂 )
This title really remind me with my marriage situation. Well, it’s not the fight-scene from “The Notebook” that we’re talking about, but I may say that marriage really need efforts continuously to make it WORKS, especially while we must face pessimist reactions from other people about our long distance-marriage… (they might not intend to say such bitter words, maybe I’m just too sensitive 🙂 )
Yes! where did we get the idea that love is easy or should be easy??For me, love without commitment is NOT love. Love without efforts to make life better also NOT love. Like formula here:
Love+Commitment+Hard works = HAPPINESS
while we get “happiness”, then “love” will grow even more…
Woooww… I think I write too much here. Well, i guess that’s all I can say… keep posting, TYRAYGM … and thank you for reading this long comment 🙂
regards,
-mesarah-
Hi Mesarah,
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! I love receiving comments — long or short! 🙂
I agree with you! Marriage definitely requires a lot of hard work, commitment and perseverance!! For some couples, it can even be difficult at times…and that’s ok! I think that while some people have it pretty easy and smooth sailing in their relationships, others seem to have a harder time….but that doesn’t mean the latter is meant to be together any less than the other couple!
Great post! I also love that scene and the movie in general for that reason. Allie and Lon have a seemingly perfect relationship–they don’t fight, they like each other a lot, they have fun, etc. But for Allie being with Noah, despite all the foreseeable heartache, was what she truly wanted. It’s definitely not easy and I’m glad to read that you can admit to that! Many people don’t admit to it or when they final do admit to it it’s only because they’re getting a divorce and they’re trying to paint the picture (for themselves as much as for others) that it wasn’t meant to be because it was in fact so hard.
I LOVE the Notebook! 🙂 And yes, it is sometimes not easy in marriage!! And it’s a paradox, b/c you assume it should be easy if two people really want to be with each other or are meant for each other! (The assumption being that it’s only that hard for two people who are not meant to be together.)
I started this blog with the intention of merely blogging about my own experiences (as trivial as they were in the beginning) of marriage. However, as I started to write more posts, I noticed that a lot of people liked my honesty about marriage. That marriage is sometimes hard. That it does feel like you are swimming against the current at times etc. That you want to pull your hair out at times. But that in spite of this, you still really love someone, want to be with someone and can make it work and have a great marriage as a result. I think that it’s coulples who have been through hell and back (and when I say hell I mean serious things like illness / death as well as trivial things like fighting over little issues that can build tension in a marriage) and are stronger as a result of it, are the couples I really admire and look up to.
P.S. Thank you for all your comments! 🙂
Thanks for the blog! I stumbled upon it and enjoyed your perspective and style so much that I read all the posts in one night!!!
You are welcome! I’m glad to hear that you like it so much! 🙂 Check out the FB page too—there’s stuff I post on there that isn’t on the blog.