I often forget that I married a man, who at some point was a boy. (Brilliant aren’t I, for figuring that one out all on my own!!) And we all know too well, what little boys can be like. Little boys are playful, silly, rough and tough, say stupid things and do stupid things (at least according to little girls) and of course, get into mischief.
Well, guess what? Men are like that too!
You see, when boys grow up and turn into men, these characteristics don’t fully disappear. I am reminded of this when my husband says or does things that don’t make sense to me and leave me shaking my head. (Although, I think if I were a man, these things would make sense! My best friend’s husband seems to understand my husband perfectly at these times!!) Being a typical woman, I would see this as an indication (especially if it happened quite frequently) that my husband needed to “grow up”, “mature more” or “be / act more serious”. Yet, the irony is that my husband IS like this the majority of the time. He is mature, grown up and serious about his future — that’s why I married him!!
So why do I forget that my husband is a man, and within each man there resides a little boy who will make himself known from time to time? I think perhaps this may have to do with the culture we live in today. We live in a culture (at least in North America and Europe), that is more female oriented than ever before. We want men to be men (obviously!) but with a female slant to them. Physically this means soft hands, nice skin, no body hair, and emotionally this means men are expected to be in-tune with their feminine /emotional side or even act / converse on the same level that women do. While some men are this way naturally, most aren’t. Should we push the latter to be more like the former? (By the way, cultural ideologies take place subtly overtime — it’s not as though you are being forced at gun point to think a certain way!)
Let me be clear about one thing also. As a moderate feminist myself, this cultural shift is a good thing! Sixty years ago women were seen as inferior to men and didn’t even have the same basic rights as them (e.g. women weren’t allowed to vote). We’ve come a long way since that time, but instead of stopping at the point of equality, did we go too far in the opposite direction? Did we make this a female driven society, where men nowadays are on the fringes?? I wonder.
All I know is this. I married a man. And no matter how old this man (a.k.a. my husband) gets, he will always remain a 10-year-old boy in his heart! Instead of trying to make him act more like a mature person at these times, perhaps I should just let him be. Men are still boys, and boys will always be boys.