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I love self-help books, particularly relationship books. My collection includes: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, The Mastery of Love etc. Oddly enough, the majority of relationship books I have, are written by men! I find this really interesting because most readers of relationship books are women!!
For some reason, there are a lot of men who don’t like to read relationship books. I am married to one, I should know. So, this makes me wonder. Why aren’t men flocking to buy relationship books written by men? Also, since the authors of relationship books are primarily men, why can’t they write a book that appeals to men too?? If I am totally wrong here and such a book does exist, please let me know b/c I have yet to find it! :0
Things You Realize After You Get Married 
Thanks so much for visiting my ‘Careann’s Musings’ blog today via Freshly Pressed. I love meeting new people here in cyberspace. As a writer I keep my blog’s focus mostly on writing, but I post on other topics, too. Your question made me giggle since I’ve never read a typical self-help book. As a pastor my husband has done his share of counselling, and read appropriate professional books, but I don’t think I could ever get him to read ones such as you’ve mentioned. So I guess I’m no help in answering your questions. 🙂
Put a Beer on the cover…..
spread the humor:charlywalker.wordpress.com
Oh, you can make it happen, but it might take a while. Perseverance is good. Just keep writing and learning more about writing and what the industry is like.
Hi, first things first. I came here from the seedlings blog because of the title of your blog. It’s very and very needed. Also I need to mention that there is a process for seedlings(maybe you know) called “hardening off”. When transplant seedlings are first moved outdoors it’s a totally strange environment. We were taught in our gardening class to place your seedlings first in the shade in between about noon 4:00 if it’s still chilly. If it’s hot, place them in the morning and bring them in at around about 1:00(not written in stone, ask around), still the shade. The seedlings are not used to so much light and heat, they need to be slowly ushered in to the environment. Then they will harden into stronger healthy plants.
Marriage: I just did a post about marriage suggesting various books that I have found useful. Yes, I am man, but now I’m a smarter man. Most men pretty much will not talk about relationships, they think everything is alright. If a problem comes up, solve it and then clam up again. That’s their solution. For a man they aready talked back in 1997, why talk again?
My site is
http://informationforager.wordpress.com
and it’s called SpiritualThemes. I liked your marriage comments, I think they are right on. Thanks, Keep Blogging, Keep Writing.
Thanks for the seedling info—will give it a shot. I haven’t heard of the “hardening off” method, but it sounds similar to the idea of weaning off, so that would make sense to me.
Thanks for the encouragement regarding my blog. I think there needs to be more positive things said about marriage, given that we live in a society that seems to cast it in a negative (or completely unrealistic) light. I also think that having younger people shed their light on their experiences in marriage might just help.
Re: men and not wanting to talk about relationship issues….so true! I’m working on mine slowly, but the struggle is far from over! lol
I’ll offer a couple of possible reasons why.
1) Some men don’t like to read, unless it’s exciting (and I don’t mean the excitement of relationship drama, like a romance book). If the points could be made through sports analogies or warfare tactics (which sounds bad, but I have one that applies to relationships in general and it makes a lot of good points). Maybe I should write one from a sports perspective… 🙂
2) Some modern relationship books are too “sensitive” and put down real masculinity. I’ve read only a couple of relationship books, but have heard of others that I don’t want to read. The current trend in American society is to make men more like women, which goes against who men are. That’s not to put women down, but men should be men and women should be women. (This could be a huge rabbit trail, but I’ll try not to digress.) If men are “real men”, it’s a good thing. Out of balance, bad things can happen.
There are a few good books on being a man, but they don’t get much attention.
Also, men would rather “fix” things instead of learning about it. I know, we should learn so we can better “fix” things, but many people (men and women) assume they know a lot already. I also think it goes to one of your other posts of how we think our point-of-view is right, so why should we read about other viewpoints? I’ve learned that men and women think (and thus feel) very differently at times. It definitely pays to read up on such things and to discuss them (preferably during calm times).
I definitely know of men who fall into the 1st category you point out.
The 2nd point you make about masculinity: I’ve heard this argument before but not sure what my take is on it in general…yet. I wonder why relationship books written by men (at least those popular ones I point out) aren’t written for men. I wonder if this is because women are more likely to buy relationship books, so it’s easier just to cater to them and target this large (existing) market. It’s hard enough trying to publish a book nowadays. Not only do you have to have a salable idea, but you also have to prove there is a fairly decent size market who want it. Given this, I can see why most authors tend to write relationship books that appeal to women. However, this also reveals a gap in the market that could possibly be filled, and perhaps is already filled by the books you say exist, but don’t get much attention.
Touche on your 3rd point! There is always something we could still learn in our lives…however, whether or not we want, or feel the need to, is another thing altogether!
Thanks for the feedback and viewpoint from a man’s side! 🙂
Yet another of my “tomboy” characteristics; give me a crime story or an action-adventure novel anyday!
I’ll leave the self-help books to you. 😉
Sure…add it to my ever growing pile!
From a man’s perspective. Men like to fix “THINGS”, relationships are too ephemeral to point to and say “I fixed it”. Also the credit must be shared with the other party, the other half,…what fun is that. How can I affirm my manhood is such an arena?
The best book the I’ve found for men(but they still won’t read it) is “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. The key word here is “RESPECT” for both men and women. Men want it and women should know what it’s about and how to give it. Not as a servant but as a peer. If women would substitute(at least sometimes) the words, “I love you” with “I respect you” than many marriages would work better. It’s not me saying it, it’s the researched and respected opinion of the author. Thanks.
I have read that book and do like it. It was eye-opening to say the least. I can see how the book may be addressing something that men need / want in relationships. Given that most adivce books do tend to have a female slant to it, this is a good book that offers both sides of the story…..See one blogger’s comment under Realization #23 – she also feels that advice books tend to be a bit more favourable towards women.
Thanks for the comment! 🙂
Hi, I don’t know if you’re a Christian or not… but there is a series for men that starts with the first book called ‘Every Young Man’s Battle’ which has relationship advice. I know quite a few guys that have read it and have had really positive feedback.
Thanks for the info! I’ve never heard of this series, but will look into it.
I’m back! Reading your posts… I just have to say that men would probably be more interested in a relationship book written by women but GEARED toward men. It gives them the look from the other perspective. Just my thought. I like reading self help books, so does my husband… but he isn’t into relationship books…. yet. 🙂
Haha— “yet”! I love how you added that final word. I do think that men would be more interested in books if they are geared towards men (regardless of whether the author is a man or woman). I think a lot of relationship books tend to targeted towards women (even when the authors are male) probably because that’s where the market is. Now, granted there are some guys who like to read and will read a relationship book regardles of who it’s written for, but I think these guys are the minority, or at least I’m not married to one!…..There is a book I love called, Have A New Husband by Friday by Kevin Leman and that book is clearly written for women, but it’s funny enough that when I read it aloud, my husband likes it too…..I’ve noticed that humour gets my husband’s attention, so if I ever wanted him to read a relationship book, a funny one with a good meessage in it would be ideal!
P.S. I love how you are playing catch-up with my posts. It refreshes me on what I blogged about back then. Sometimes I have to re-read my posts before I reply to your comment b/c don’t remember exacly what I said a few months ago! 😀
I totally agree with the humor part! I think that helps men like those goofy relationship books!
And good, tehehe, I’m glad I am not annoying you by commenting on old stuff! 😉