A long time ago, I wrote about the 80:20 rule. This was one of my earliest posts and interestingly has been the most shared post of this blog to date. To refresh your memory, the 80:20 rule states that you get 80% of what you like / want / need from your spouse in your relationship, but there is 20% that you don’t get and most likely will never get. For some people, the figures could be 90:10 or even 75:25 — it doesn’t really matter. The point is that you do get most of what you want and need from your spouse.
What can happen overtime though, is that we forget about that 80% we get from our spouse. Or, instead of being grateful for that 80%, we focus on the 20% we don’t get. Many things too can trigger us to fixate on that 20%. For instance, we tend to focus on the 20% when things are challenging and overwhelming in our lives, when we have a difference of opinion on an important issue with our spouse, when our spouse doesn’t act in a way we may like or meet our expectations, and of course, when we are in conflict with our spouse.
But when we fixate on that 20% — the flaws or the inadequacies in our spouse — we miss the 80%. We fail to notice the good stuff because we are so focused on the bad stuff only. Focus is key!
Today, my husband and I came across a really good question when reading one of the marriage books I have in my collection. The answer(s) to this question even put a fond smile on both of our faces. It reminded me of qualities I had totally forgotten my husband possessed and that drew me to him. It also reminded me of characteristics I possess that my husband admires and that drew him to me.
If you are struggling to notice that 80% in your spouse, or have forgotten completely what it even is, then let me ask you this same question:
Why did you marry _______ (insert your spouse’s name here)?
Think of 3 things that really made you want to marry your spouse. Share your answers with your spouse. Ask them the same question too. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results. 🙂