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Of late, I’ve been interested in articles about self-improvement and self-development. In particular, I seek ways to better live the kind of life I want to live and not the kind of life I should be living because of external norms and pressures. When browsing various articles, I noticed that there was a consistent theme in most of the articles I came across. The theme? What you focus on in your life, eventually materializes and creates your reality. If you focus on negative things or things you don’t want, you tend to notice and attract much of the same in your life. If you focus on positive things or things you want, you tend to notice and attract much of the same in your life. Focus is key.

At first, it’s a hard concept to grasp. I know; I have struggled with it too …And I’m going to be straight up and admit that I have a hard time explaining it to others because it is still a relatively new thing for me. I’ve only recently been able to apply it in my own life, but I’ve noticed changes and I’m a pretty skeptical person! If you want to read more about what I’m talking about, click here.

But… you may be wondering why I am telling you all of this? Especially when this is a blog about marriage. Well, because this same concept applies to relationships and marriage. In order to have the marriage you want, you need to focus on the kind of marriage you want (vs. focusing on the kind of marriage you don’t want). It’s as simple as that. By focusing on what you want – the positives in your marriage –  you start to notice more positive things in your marriage and also, end up creating a more positive marriage. For instance, if I focused on a quality I don’t like about my husband, I could think of even more qualities I don’t like about him. As a result, I may feel a dark stormy cloud appear whenever I see him and treat him based on my already negative perception of him. If on the other hand, I focused on a quality I admire and like about my husband, I could think of even more qualities I like and admire about him. As a result, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and a giant puffy heart appears around his face (like in cartoons!) whenever I see him. Guess what happens then? I treat him in a positive way. (…By the way, this isn’t the same as focusing on the qualities I don’t like in my husband in lieu of trying to change or do away with them, because I’m still technically focusing on something negative and that I don’t want, versus focusing on something I want.)

Think this sounds too good to be true? Why not give it a try to see what happens.

  • Pay attention to what you tend to focus on in your relationship.
  • Are you thinking of positive or negative things when it comes to your other-half?
  • How do you treat your other-half when you have these positive or negative thoughts about them?
  • And finally, is your marriage a reflection of your focus and thoughts?

As a person who studied psychology, I know from research, the power our mind and thoughts can have on our behaviour. Really – it’s scary! Given this, why not use your mind to work for you, and achieve what you desire in life and in your relationships. In other words, focus on what you WANT in your marriage, not what you don’t want!

(If you would like to know more about how your focus affects your marriage and how to steer it in the positive direction, check out this awesome blog post written by a marriage and family therapist.)