I often take a look at the search terms that lead people to my blog. I’ve noticed that often it includes the word “change”. For example, my husband changed after marriage; why do people change after marriage; why do things change after marriage; things that change when people get married, my husband / wife changed after the wedding, etc. More often than not, it’s usually women who tend to be concerned about the issue of change — “my husband changed after marriage” is much more common than the opposite statement “my wife changed after marriage”. Yet… I’m not surprised.
Like other wives, I’ve too had this thought periodically (more frequently than my husband has had the reverse thought). I’ve felt that my husband has changed since we got married. Changed in ways I love, as well as changed in ways I don’t particularly care for. Of course, I am a lot more accepting of the former than I am of the latter! 😉 In fact, when it comes to the latter, it is very easy to just point my finger squarely at my husband and lay blame on him for whatever it is I don’t like about him that’s changed. (So very easy!) And at the same time, have an imaginary halo appear on my head for how I have not changed at all. Or if I have changed, how it’s only been in the positive direction!
But then I’m reminded of this quote from the Bible that makes me stop and think about my part in all of this. The quote goes, Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ….My answer? Probably because it’s a lot easier to see the speck in my brother’s (or husband’s) eye than it is to see the log in my own! It’s a lot easier for me to notice changes in my husband and completely overlook how I may have contributed to that change. In fact, I am sometimes totally oblivious to the fact that I’ve changed too in certain areas of our relationship, and that often times his behaviour is a direct reaction to me. We’re around each other a lot; we’re bound to rub off on one another now and then!
Given this, perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to judge and say that my husband is the only one that has changed and lay blame solely on him for things in our relationship that I don’t like, and take a moment to see if perhaps I had something to do with it too. The best part is, that by taking responsibility for my own actions, I can actually steer things in the direction I want by tweaking my own behaviour and working on my character flaws. Because let’s face it, at the end of the day, there is no doubt in mind that it’s a lot easier to change myself than it is trying to change my husband! 😀