I’d like to say that I came up with this realization on my own, but that would be a lie. Although I have known about this for a long time, I couldn’t quite put it so succinctly into words. But the other day while perusing the internet, I came across an article entitled, 10 Things To Remember When You Fight With Your Spouse, and the idea for a new post was born.
The article was written by a husband who has been married for 8 years. He lists 10 things to keep in mind when fighting with your spouse. What I love about this writer is that he doesn’t claim to be an expert on marriage (and really who is when you think about it?). He just offers a list of things that perhaps we all should keep in mind during those heated moments. I’m not going to go over the entire list in this post. You can check out the full article here if you’d like. But I do want to talk about #4 (Romance is Nice. Patience is Nicer) because this point really stood out to me.
I’ll admit it. I am an old-fashioned girl. I like the romance. A lot. I like the flowers, the chocolates, the walks on the beach–you know, the sweeping off your feet gestures that guys tend to do when they court you. Heck, I would even love if my husband carried me over the threshold every time we entered our house! (I tried hinting at that once, but my suggestion wasn’t taken seriously!) 😉 I don’t know if I ever will outgrow this. Perhaps, when I’m older and wiser, I may realize the silliness in pining over these things, but we’ll see when I get there.
What I did realize upon reading this article though, was that maybe I am focusing on the wrong thing in my relationship. Maybe instead of focusing on romance, I should be focusing on patience. Don’t get me wrong. Romance for sure is great, but perhaps patience is a bit better. Here’s why. Romance can only take you so far in a marriage. Yes, it is important (very important for some people like yours truly). However, what good is romance in a relationship, if you don’t have patience? Consider this. Would it really matter if your husband gave you a box of chocolates if he constantly lost patience with you for taking too long to get ready? Or would it really matter if you cooked your husband’s favourite meal if you constantly got irritated every time he left a wet towel on the floor? True, the romantic act may make up for the lack of patience you exhibited, but it can be short-lived, particularly if the impatience continues to grow (and it will unless you actively try to curb it). More so, the incident in which you revealed your lack of impatience will likely be remembered because unfortunately, our mind has an uncanny ability to remember negative events.
Given this, why not try something different. Something not emphasized enough on dating and even marriage websites. Let’s try to:
- exercise patience when our spouse does something that really irks us (I know how hard this can be); and
- recognize and appreciate when our spouse is showing patience towards us (especially when it’s trying on them).
You see, it’s all too easy to give and receive the flowers, the chocolates or the sumptuous steak dinner… and while there’s no denying that that’s nice, I’m thinking that patience is just a little bit nicer. Don’t you think?