, , ,

I never thought that going into marriage I would learn more about myself as a person; who I was, what I liked, what I disliked, what made me happy, what made me tick etc. But I did. Not that this was my intention mind you, but it’s what ended up happening nonetheless. I guess it’s inevitable that when you are in close quarters with someone, you will end up learning more about yourself in the process, particularly if the person you are sharing close quarters with is your spouse. (This is not to say that you do not discover things about yourself from living with your parents, siblings or college roommates. You do. But there is something inherently different when a significant other comments on your character compared to your mom or obnoxious older brother. The difference is that when your spouse talks, you may actually start to listen!)

The path to discovery for me was great when the discoveries were positive. Turns out I am a pretty loyal and devoted person to those who matter most to me in my life. On the other hand, when the discoveries revealed less than desirable qualities, I was slightly taken aback. Am I really an uptight wad? Am I really the one who easily gets hurt or irritated? Apparently so.

If truth be told, I never, ever, saw these (negative) qualities in myself before. Perhaps they were there along and I was just oblivious to them. Or perhaps I knew these qualities were there all along, but I thought they would *poof*, disappear as time wore on. I don’t really know which the case is, nor does it really matter. What  I do know though is that these qualities are there in me and I need to either, (a) be accepting of them and adopt a “yup, that’s who I am” attitude, or (b) try to work on decreasing these qualities, particularly if they might adversely affect my relationship with my husband and those around me.  I’m still undecided on which route to take, so I don’t choose. I do both. I take on a, “this is me, deal with it” attitude when the situation calls for it, but when the, “this is me, deal with it” attitude starts to become too annoying or too problematic, I back off. The hard part is of course identifying the latter scenario so I can catch myself in time! :0