Does my realization seem counterintuitive to you? Does it go against the norm? Most likely the answer is yes…but read on to see that perhaps this is a concept that can reap benefits in a marriage.
This past weekend I attended a Led Zeppelin concert. Not the actual band, but a really good impersonation of them. Normally I would never willingly attend a Zeppelin concert because it’s not really my kind of music. Sade yes; Zeppelin no. However, my husband is a big fan of Zeppelin’s, so I surprised him with tickets to the next best thing…a really talented rock group playing every Led Zeppelin hit that was ever made.
The concert was what I expected a 70’s rock concert to be like–men with hair longer than mine playing crazy fast solos on their electric guitars, while the lead singer (also with hair longer than mine) belted out melodies that showcased his versatile vocal range. The crowd was quite rowdy (at least compared to the crowds you see at Sade concerts), and I swear I saw some hippies wandering around the lobby area!
Overall, the concert was a good experience. To my husband’s surprise, certain Zeppelin tunes (e.g. Stairway To Heaven and Cashmere) actually started to grow on me!! The highlight for me that evening though, was when I caught my husband from the peripheral of my eye singing along with the band, with a smile plastered on his face. Seeing my husband happy at that moment, actually made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I had done something for my husband–I put him 1st.
I know that society often tells you to put yourself 1st. As a woman, I feel this message is drilled into my head even more so…and I will admit that I try to live by it. I put myself 1st and defend my right as a woman, wife, person (someday mother) to do so. Of course, I do not put myself 1st with the deliberate intention of putting my husband 2nd (which good-intentioned spouse does?!), but inevitably that’s what ends up happening. Bear in mind also, that in some circumstances putting yourself 1st is important, even necessary. This would be for instance, if you are being treated like a second class citizen in your own marriage–but this is not the case with me. My husband puts me 1st…quite often in fact.
So this past weekend, I decided to change things around. I intentionally (yes, I will admit it required a concerted effort on my part) put my husband 1st and myself 2nd. We went to see a Led Zeppelin concert because I knew it would be something he would enjoy more so than I would. He did enjoy it. He was happy and you know what, seeing him happy made me really happy too. 🙂
Give it a try sometime. Put yourself 2nd in your marriage and see what happens–you may be pleasantly surprised.
P.S. I apologize to all the Zeppelin fans out there for my very amateurish review of this concert! 😉