An older married woman once said to me, that if you want to get what you want in a marriage, agree with your husband.
Now of course, when I first heard this comment I initially thought I heard it wrong, or that this woman had said it incorrectly. If I disagree with my husband on a certain issue, in order to eventually get my way, I should agree with him??
It didn’t make sense to me. (And if we’re being perfectly honest here, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it!) Also, as a moderate feminist I had other issues with this advice…you know the obvious, women fought for so long to be treated as equal citizens, and now I shouldn’t state my (differing) opinion if I had one??? That’s a step back!
…So I asked this woman to explain.
She said that when a wife agrees with her husband, it shows that she respects and acknowledges him and his decision. It makes him feel validated…which men love. By doing this, the wife ends up getting what she wants.
To clarify, this is not meant to be used as a manipulative weapon. It defeats the purpose if a wife is doing this with the intention of secretly duping her husband into giving into her. At the same time, a wife doing this with the expectation that it will work in her favor, is still a no-no. I think this only works if the wife is doing it with the good and true intention of understanding her husband’s need to feel validated, respected and acknowledged. This also doesn’t imply that wives don’t need these same things from their husbands, but I think it may be more crucial for men.
Now…being the analytical, logical, reasoning kinda person I am, I persisted in the matter… How does a wife get what she wants, if she agrees with what her husband wants (particularly if it’s different from her).
The response I got…? Trust me, it works for me.
And though I didn’t get the kind of answer that I wanted to get at the end of this discussion, I am still going to give her approach a try. This woman is not a priest, a researcher, or a marriage counsellor, but she does have a solid marriage that has stood the test of time. So if this approach works for her, it might just work for me too! I’ll keep you posted! 😉