There is a “Dr. Jekyll” (good) and a “Mr. Hyde” (bad) in all of us — men, women, husbands and wives!
The Dr. Jekyll side is the side we first meet in our spouse and fall in love with. The Mr. Hyde side is the side of our spouse we see later, for obvious reasons! Similarly, the Dr. Jekyll side is the first side we present to our spouse, but Mr. Hyde is the side we never reveal, until much later in the relationship. (Some people try to forever suppress Mr. Hyde, but eventually it does emerge!)
Now, everybody’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is different, and within each person there are various manifestations of each side. For example, my Dr. Jekyll is that I am an extremely friendly person. I will go out of my way to make a person feel welcome. My Mr. Hyde? That I tend to lack patience. I can get very impatient, very fast! My husband’s Dr. Jekyll is that he is an extremely nice man. His Mr. Hyde? That he is grumpy in the morning — he’s just not a morning person.
When we were initially introduced to each others Mr. Hyde, needless to say we weren’t particularly pleased to meet them, and wanted to show them politely out the door. We wanted Dr. Jekyll back and fast! But we couldn’t get rid of Mr. Hyde, no matter how hard we tried. He just kept returning…predictably! In fact, it’s now become a joke between the two of us. We know each others Mr. Hyde well enough to know when he will come a knockin’! And although we would prefer not to let him in, we have no choice.
SO, we do our best to tolerate Mr. Hyde and show a bit of understanding. This doesn’t mean we necessarily like each others Mr. Hyde, (let’s face it, I could afford to be more patient and my husband could afford to be more pleasant in the morning), but we realize that we need to accept this in each other and learn to deal with it. (…Although I will admit that secretly we still hope that Mr. Hyde will just disappear. But that’s not the reality at the moment and it may never be — remember Realization #15: Your Spouse Isn’t Going To Change…Really!)
Similarly, you too have several choices when dealing with your spouse’s Mr. Hyde. You could:
- not let Mr. Hyde in …(good luck!)
- fight with Mr. Hyde …(not a good idea and pointless)
- try to get rid of Mr. Hyde altogether …(tempting I know!)
OR you could…
- realize that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are both part of the package that came with your spouse …(don’t look so shocked!)
- accept that you will have to deal with Mr. Hyde on some occasions ...(*sigh*)
- be understanding, perhaps tolerant of Mr. Hyde …(this won’t happen overnight; there will be many failed attempts — trust me, I should know!)
Rest assured though, Dr. Jekyll will return! 😀
**Please note, that I am NOT condoning abuse, violence or any other horrendous behaviour that can occur in problematic marriages — those are definitely “Mr. Hyde’s” that need to be dealt with more seriously. The “Mr. Hyde” in this post refers to the petty, annoying, frustrating things we may not particularly care for in our spouse…this Mr. Hyde is harmless!**