Sometimes, I really do think life is playing a joke on me ….. It brought into my life, a boyfriend who had certain qualities that I admired, and then replaced it with a husband with these same qualities that now drive me up the wall!…
Have you ever noticed how sometimes the qualities that attracted you to your spouse in the beginning, can be the same qualities that now annoy you about them? For instance, one of the qualities I admired about my husband was that he was an extremely nice person. He was a nice guy who would never want to hurt a person’s feelings. I loved that! Fast forward a couple of years and this exact same quality has resulted in countless strangers (the kinds that typically peruse any residential neighborhood), flocking to our door over and over again. Not loving this so much!
The same is true of me. My husband loved the fact that I was bursting with energy when he met me. I may have been physically an adult, but inside I was still a 9-year-old girl forever fascinated with dogs, ferris wheels, gigantic bubbles, inflatable castles and so on. Fast forward a couple of years, and this exact same quality means that I never seem to get tired (actually I do, but compared to my husband it seems like I never do), and always want to “do” something. Sitting back and relaxing on a chair to my husband’s shock, isn’t always so appealing to me.
So what happened?
Did my husband change? …No.
Did I change? …No.
But did our perception of each other slightly change? …Yes!
Clearly these qualities were there when we were dating each other, yet we weren’t so bothered by them. Perhaps it was because we looked at these qualities through the rose-coloured glasses couples often wear in the beginning of a relationship. In other words, our perception was (overly) favourable, but favourable nonetheless! We focused on the good in the qualities we each possessed!
Now, my husband and I could always brush this off by pointing out it was the infatuation stage of dating, where everything is looked at with rosy-coloured glasses (often true!) And we could resort to complaining (sometimes do), arguing (sometimes have) and praying that these qualities would just disappear and we’d never have to deal with them again! *Wave magic wand…Poof!*
OR (and this can be extremely hard to do at the time)……we could remember what it was about those qualities that we found so appealing.
When I think about my own husband now, I realize that being extremely nice is a not such a horrible thing. In fact, it’s a good thing! It’s better than being a jerk, right? In fact, this is why everyone loves being around him! And being energetic and child-like is also not a bad quality either. According to my husband, it means I’m young at heart and will always be a “little girl” no matter how old I get. It’ll come in handy when we have kids someday!
So the next time you have the tendency to pull out your hair (depending on how annoying or frustrating you feel your spouse’s qualities are), find those rose-coloured glasses, dust them off and put them on again! You may realize that the qualities you once loved and admired about each other, are exactly the qualities you should continue to love and admire about each other! 🙂