When my husband and I used to go out on dates together (when we first started going out), I noticed we were always “on”. We were in our best clothes. We were on our best behaviour. We were on our best listening and speaking modes. We were ready to try to do different things and so on….In other words, we were kinda like Energizer Bunnies that just kept going all the time.
Or at least that’s what I thought…
The difference though between my husband and I (and I realized this much later in our relationship), is that while I do tend to have a never-ending supply of energy, my husband doesn’t. He could only be “on” for short periods of time. He needed a chance to re-charge his battery.
The problem arose because I never saw his “battery” get re-charged. I never saw my husband when his battery power was running low….when he was feeling a bit down, sad, tired or grumpy. And so naively (yes, naively is the word to describe it), just figured he was always “on” and would always be “on” at all times during our relationship.
When that didn’t (obviously) happen, I was a bit taken back. I started to think that my husband:
- wasn’t interested in something that I was interested in, or
- didn’t really care about me
Of course, both of these thoughts inevitably made me feel crappy, made me angry and eventually resulted in an argument, which then left BOTH of us feeling crappy and angry!
So one day, I decided to ask him. Why did you not show interest in _____? Do you not care??
His response? I do care. I’m just really tired right now and can’t concentrate…
That was it. A sincere, honest answer that extinguished the hurt and anger that would have normally resulted….I finally realized what I should have a long time ago; my husband doesn’t have an unlimited supply of energy like I do. He needs to re-charge every now and then. He can’t be “on” all the time! …And you know what, that’s OK!