, , , , ,

This post can apply to either you or your spouse (i.e. people from your side may not like your spouse, or people from your spouse’s side may not like you). For simplicity sake, I am going to talk about it in terms of the first scenario.

In a perfect world, everyone would like and approve of your choice of spouse, or your spouse’s choice of you. People would think he or she is the most perfect person in the world, or at the very least that you are perfect for each other…. But sometimes this doesn’t happen. Sometimes there are people who do not like your spouse. They may not like them for the person they are in general, or because they do not think they are the right person for you.

This poses a dilemma. On the one hand, who wouldn’t want other people (particularly close family and friends) to congratulate you on your choice? Who doesn’t like to hear: _______ is such a wonderful person! You are so lucky to have found ________! ________ is the perfect choice for you! Well done!  **pat on back**

On the other hand, should you really care so much what other people think about your choice of spouse? For one thing, no one really knows what a person is truly like, except for the person in an intimate relationship with them (i.e. you). So when people make comments, their comments may not be wholly accurate. Secondly, it’s not like these people are marrying your spouse. Even if these people are well aware of the character of your spouse and still don’t like it, that’s fine. That’s their choice. ….Yet I’ll admit it can be tough to hear the words: _________is the wrong choice for you! You are making a mistake by marrying ________! You could do so much better than _________!  **disappointed head shake**

If you find yourself constantly in this second scenario, here’s something to mull over. If everyone thinks you are making a wrong choice (or have made the wrong choice), then perhaps you should stop and consider if all these people are seeing something (off) in your spouse that you are not seeing–after all, love can be blind sometimes.

BUT, if the majority of people around you are supportive of your choice, and it’s only a few people who aren’t, then you need to consider:

  1. Who these people are?
  2. Why do they feel this way?

Just as the source of marriage advice matters (see Realization #22), so too does the source of these antagonistic feelings towards your spouse and / or relationship. Sometimes these feelings could arise because of jealousy, resentment, anger or a host of other negative feelings. In other words, the issue may not really be with your spouse at all, but within those people themselves. The person is just projecting their thoughts onto you and your relationship. (By the way, it can be very hard to tell when this is happening!) In these instances, you need to trust your own judgement, and sometimes sound judgement only comes after you have passed that infatuation stage of a relationship. If you feel your spouse is a good person and the right person for you (and you are being truthful with yourself—it defeats the purpose if you are lying to yourself!), then forget what anyone else says!….Because sometimes no matter hard you try, not everyone is going to like your spouse!