When my husband and I first started dating, I remember being asked, “…so how are things going between you two?” This was often followed by the question, “…do you see any wedding bells in the future?” Who could blame people for asking this question? They were curious about our relationship and had an inclination that it would grow into something more serious.
Then things died down for a bit. No one asked us how we were doing, because it was a given that if we are still together, things must be going pretty good!
After we got married though, our family, friends and sometimes even strangers, took a renewed interest in our relationship. But this time the question was different. Instead of being asked how things were going, we were (and still are) asked, “…so is the honeymoon over yet?” I bet that most if not all married couples can relate to being asked this question. In particular, I think it’s especially directed towards couples who seemed extremely happy during the dating stage, and going into marriage. Perhaps because the belief is that the bubble will finally burst and the reality of marriage will set in. It’s as though people want you to say that, yes the honeymoon is over, so that you can join them, and move from the before marriage fairy tale stage, to the after marriage reality stage.
The honeymoon question also always gets me tongue-tied. On the one hand it seems foolish to say that my husband and I are still in the honeymoon stage (no matter how true it is), because it suggests that we are still on cloud nine and haven’t come down to reality yet. On the flip side, saying that the honeymoon stage is over suggests that our marriage has lost its excitement, is now dampened by the reality of post-married life, and the (grim) awareness of the person you actually married. What a bleak thought!
Perhaps the most annoying thing though is when I get asked this question. I have noticed (and this has happened more often than not) that I am usually asked this question when my husband and I have had just a riff. In this frame of mind, I don’t even have to answer the question. My face says it all! (I’m actually starting to think that my demeanor could be precisely the reason why we are asked this question). No matter how I respond to this question, my face give away the true answer…or at least the answer at that point in time.
I’m slowly starting to realize though that I am never going to escape being asked this question. In some form or another it will come back to haunt me. My best defense then? To not let it bother me and focus on the positives of my marriage. I know that there will be days in our marriage when the honeymoon will seem long gone (and these will most likely be the days I get asked the honeymoon question); but I also know for a fact that these days are far outnumbered by days when the honeymoon seems alive and thriving! 🙂