My husband and I hadn’t had our first fight until almost a year into our dating relationship. Up until that point, we weren’t a “real couple”… At least that’s what I was led to believe. According to some, a relationship wasn’t a true relationship until that first fight. Why? Because up until that point, you’ve been on your best behaviour with your partner. A fight however was when all that came undone. Your true colors came out. I remember thinking, I don’t want us to fight, but if we’re being on our best behaviour then perhaps we should have our first fight – you know, to see what the other person is really like! (By the way, whoever said that wasn’t kidding!!)
But when we had our first fight, and fights thereafter, it wasn’t as glamorous as Hollywood would have you believe. And it wasn’t punctuated by great you-know-what either! I think this was because we (i.e. me) didn’t know how to fight well.
When my husband and I fought with each other there was an obvious vantage point. We knew to hit where it hurts. We knew enough about each other, the good and the bad, the strengths and the weaknesses to really deliver a good punch. At the same time, because we knew how to deliver a good punch, we could also do serious damage to our relationship. I heard somewhere that for 1 negative comment you dish out at your spouse, it will take at least 20 positive comments to cancel it out. Whoever said that knew what they were talking about! When I say or do something negative towards my husband, I feel the need to go on damage control and even grovel, simply because I feel terrible for the way I acted! (Of course, this realization only hits me a few hours later, or the next day. At the time, I completely feel justified in my behaviour!)
But there is an obvious disadvantage to fighting with your spouse, and I’m not just referring to the beating your relationship takes. When you fight with your spouse, you are constantly reminded of the tension between you two. After all, you eat and sleep with the “enemy”. Simple things like asking for the salt to be passed, or accidentally touching each other’s foot beneath the covers, take on a whole new meaning when you aren’t speaking to each other!
This last thought alone motivates me to master the art of fighting quickly. …It’s still chilly where I live. Who else am I going to cuddle with under the covers for warmth?? 😉
Things You Realize After You Get Married 
“Who else am I going to cuddle with under the covers…?”
Haha, very cute post! 🙂
Thanks!
I totally agree with the cuddling covers and coldness part! Fortunately, we haven’t fought yet… is that weird? I don’t know… we bicker, bought have never had a fight. But I have heard this piece of advice several times, and I’m sure it will help perfect your fighting skills: never argue standing up! If you are going to fight, both of should be sitting. It doesn’t create as much tension, it puts you both in the same level, and is not as aggressive. I just hope I remember that in the heat of the moment.
I’ve heard of that piece of advice too and I fully agree. It puts you both on a level playing field and that’s so important when you are in the middle of a fight! And yes, it can be hard to remember this in the heat of the moment OR even be able to apply it when you do remember this piece of advice…sometimes rational thought can fly out the window during those heated times!
That’s great though that you and your husband haven’t fought yet. I don’t really know the difference between bickering and fighting. To me if there’s tension between my husband whether we are arguing or bickering or fighting, I tend to refer to it all as fighting, although my husband doesn’t. (I think I did a post about this at some point.) It could also just be my personality — thinking things are more serious than they actually are, and my husband’s personlity to do just the opposite! Hmmm…I guess opposites do attract! 😀
Haha, opposites for sure attract! I think I don’t consider our bickering fighting mostly because one of us usually thinks its funny. And if we don’t think it’s funny, it only lasts like 2 minutes before one of burns the other one into seeing their way. But mostly, it’s because my husband likes to get a reaction from me and I am just dramatic, so we go together well… even in our bickering! Haha
When I read the words, “my husband likes to get a reaction out of me”, I could have sworn you were describing my husband! Cuz he always tries to do that and 90% of the time succeeds!….Actually, I would say he has a 97% success rate!
Hahaha! That is so funny! I always makes me thing… Gosh, he never grew out of his junior flirting, because that’s what it feels like sometimes. So funny! And I too react probably 97% of the time!